16 months old!

Yesterday, my babies turned 16 months old.  It's really bizarre how fast (and slow) it happened.  Charlotte was officially 3 1/2 years a few days before that.  I remember  nursing her for the last time on her 16 month birthday and thinking--"This is it.  She doesn't need me for this anymore." It was an ordinary moment like all of the ones before, but it was different because I knew it was the last time.  I knew that there were other exciting things ahead but it was a "last time" and I wanted to remember it. (Too bad I'm not sentimental at all...ha!)  2 months later I was pregnant with twins!  So when they turned 16 months, I looked at them and thought about that day when Charlotte turned 16 months old.  It feels strange to put the memory in context like that.  I know when the twins turn 2 years 2 months, I will think about Charlotte on the day they were born.  Despite my sentimentality, I spend a lot of days looking forward to the days when my kids will not need me to wipe their bottoms, take them to the potty, get their food, tell them to stop climbing on the furniture (again), plan things around naps and meals, etc etc.  At the same time, I realize that this time is passing so quickly (though the days seem slow) and I don't want to miss ANYTHING!  I don't want to regret anything with them, but I know I probably will because I won't get it all right.  Parenting is a humbling experience and having a major health crisis in your child just makes you realize all the more how "not in control" you really are...and how scary the world is...how many things threaten to harm your child.  It can be so overwhelming and crushing at times but I know that I have to lean ever harder onto God's chest and trust Him to protect my kids, to give me the grace to accept the hard things that happen or the less than ideal situations we find ourselves in.  (I have to apply Philipians 4:4-9 a lot)

In that same vein, this upcoming week is a big one for Reese (and one we have been waiting for).  She is having yet another surgery this week.  I will again walk into a pre-op area and hand my child over into the arms of a nurse I do not know, to be operated on by a surgical team that I do not know (though she will have the same pediatric surgeon).  I have been Reese's nearly constant medical guardian, watching/questioning everything that is done, etc for the last 10-11 months and I will have to let her go into an operating room without my watchful eye being there.  When she was first diagnosed, I feel like I gladly handed her over to those who could fix her.  We really had no choice.  Now, it's much harder because NO ONE knows her like we do.....  BUT this is a good surgery because it is a normalizing procedure...her central line removal!  It's one less thing that could get infected and it means she no longer needs it for chemo or IV nutrition/fluids!  After it is removed, she will have to be stuck for blood draws but these will be less frequent.  Her surgery will be Friday.  She will also have a hearing test while under anesthesia.  On Tuesday (before her surgery), she will get one last IV infusion in clinic and have labs drawn, etc.  Her first round of immune function tests will be done at that time.  It is very unlikely that she will be "cleared" from an immune standpoint this early, but it would be REALLY nice if she was!  With all of this in mind, I have celebrated some "lasts" this week ( at least what we hope will be lasts).  Her home health nurse came out for probably the last time to help with Reese's 2nd to last dressing change.  (Last one will be done in clinic on Tuesday).  I changed the cap on her central line for the last time yesterday. (Last one will also be done in clinic on Tuesday--by a nurse).  I look forward to other lasts too...the last Gtube feeding...the last day that she can't crawl/walk, etc.  For now, I wrestle to enjoy/savor the lasts without longing for them to arrive too quickly (bc it means that our kids are growing up too fast).

Please pray with us for Reese's successful, uncomplicated surgery on Friday, July 13.  Please pray that her hearing test would come back normal.  Please also pray for her clinic appt on Tuesday, the 10th.  She will get an infusion, have labs, etc.  Though it isn't really expected, please pray that we would be pleasantly surprised by how good Reese's immune function is at this point.  (I'm not sure when we will get those results).  Thanks for reading, praying with us and for us, and loving our family!

Daddy had all the kiddies on the couch this am, waking up to some "Dinosaur Train" (I promise we don't watch TV all the time but our photos make us look like we never stop!  TV,  eating, and sleeping are the only activities that keep our kids mostly still for photos :)

Reese acting like she loves "eating" time. hahah..don't be fooled.

Charlotte in my rocking chair that I had as a little girl.

More couch time together.

Charlotte had a fun play date with her friend Evie this Friday.  She  looked at the clock all day, waiting for the little hand to point to 5, so she could go!  It's so funny to listen to them talk to each other now!